sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
