My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
