When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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