grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
