You really coming over, don't trick.
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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