im drinking this country out of the recession.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
