I'm going to jail i love you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
