so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
