I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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