NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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