I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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