I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
