What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
