I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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