So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ok first of all what the fuck
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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