alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
