theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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