I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
