I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
