Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
