Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
