Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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