It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
