You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
