What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
its liver damage thursday
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