I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I could fuck to npr.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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