He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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