he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
