Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
