I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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