cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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