You're so nebulous sometimes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
