I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
