Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
