There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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