Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
