I need help removing her.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm having to shit out rocks
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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