and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
