he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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