this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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