do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we should paint friendship bongs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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