a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
