apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
