dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
