so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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