Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
