We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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