Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
