Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
