I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
