i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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