i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
