She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
