This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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