i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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