they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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