wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
