Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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