i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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