highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
