names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
