I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize