You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
