ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
