5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
