But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I cannot find my penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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