I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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