I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
should my penis look like a turkey
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
