update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
