so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
