Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
