we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
