Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
