I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
