WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
