Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
