I just pynch a tree in the face
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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