I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
