My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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