am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
