There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
