Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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