youre lurking in front of me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
