my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
