is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
