i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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