I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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