what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
