you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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