i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
