I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
