dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
