In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
