people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
