why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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