My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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