I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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